Bittersweet is the best word to express this point in my journey 3 years ago.
In 2018, prior to my pregnancy I was receiving all of these very strong signs from my intuition about a baby that wanted to come through. This was during the deepest, most emotionally intense and spiritually connected part of my awakening. For those that knew me then, evident shifts were taking place in my life. So much inner transformation was happening, my days were FILLED with the most intensely felt and seen spiritual insight of my life. The energy was so much that lightbulbs kept blowing all over my house (Google it). As intense as this was, I was new to all this and the LAST thing I was actually expecting was to actually BE EXPECTING.
Can you feel the sadness in my eyes? It’s palpable and although I remember being deeply happy to meet my baby boy to come, my beautiful son Ari, I was also deeply saddened internally at this time. I was holding back tears in these photos and even had trouble cracking a smirk when the photographer asked me to smile.
It wasn’t just the hormones, I was continuing through the height of my awakening, where his father was unconsciously mirroring to me my deepest wounds to come up and clear. It’s no coincidence it’s just the two of us in these photos. The imbalance between his father and I showed up as a lack of: reciprocation, respect, support, care, safety, protection, vulnerability, openness, kindness and nurturing energy that deeply mirrored to me where I wasn’t offering all of those energies to myself. My weak inner masculine energy within me didn’t uphold healthy personal boundaries and directly speak my truth to protect my inner feminine energy. This helped refine the balance of my inner energies. This is embodiment. This is true freedom. This was the blessing in disguise.
You may ask, why I didn’t integrate boundaries and speak up for myself? Well, it’s a long intense story I’ll likely open up about in the future so the extent of this all makes sense. Amidst the most intense spiritual awakening, pregnancy and working full time; in short, my wounded feminine energy was accepting less than she divinely deserved and enabled and entertained a deeply wounded masculine. Deep soul lessons learned. This was the evolution of my soul and giant change is never easy or painless especially when compacted into a rather short period of time. It all felt like a beautiful, hideous mess. This bittersweet part of my journey lead to my spiritual awakening.
The divine had me transmute my pain into power and the divine wants to do this FOE YOU and it doesn’t have to be so tumultuous but that tumultuous energy made my embodiment path much faster than many. Pros and cons faster but deeply traumatic. Slower, less pain more gradual embodiment. No path better or worse, we all just have a different path and pace.
Welcome to the world of a connection mirroring to me all the fears and pain of my past that so I may transmute my pain, clear it, heal it and alchemize it into the empowerment of my highest self; which has fully integrated as of last year. I now embody my Divine Feminine essence.
I’ve been heavily clearing ancestral patterns within me and healing wounds these past few years and not until last year did all the puzzle pieces click, having grounded and rooted my higher self deeply in my 3D world in a consistent, balanced way. No one is ever fully healed, a finish line is an illusion but embodiment is as close as you can get to finishing that “finish line” feeling or having come out the other side, having met the light at the end of the tunnel.
And now I understand energy on a very deep level because I’ve met the depths of my own shadows and have transmuted the darkness within. I’m here to guide you to cut cycles and patterns to free yourself of your wounded energy and step deeper and deeper into your divinity.
Ya’ll FEEL me now, I know. Y’all SEE me now. You FEEL and SEE the divine light within me that is shining within you to. There may just be rubble and remains of your past wounding and patterns dimming it’s intensity. Let’s free that fire and blind ‘em with it.
NOW that you SEE me and FEEL me, I wanna SEE, FEEL and GUIDE you down the smoother path of your highest self’s most divine timeline. Now you understand the bittersweet word chosen to describe my journey.
If you are looking to raise your frequency and embody your divine feminine power, learn more about my coaching program, Inner Jewel: Divine Feminine Embodiment and be sure to connect with me on Instagram.